Posts Tagged ‘avoidance’

whoops!

the live electric
rail — certain death — touched upon
lightly, as though just
some mere stray topic we both
prefer not to talk about

This poem lacks fire. Which is pretty ironic given the subject matter. I dreamed Prince Charles was preparing a speech using a sheet of my own writing as the basis. But he had crossed out roughly half of it as unsuitable and too personal. We were both trying to remember how many times we’d had sex (together). So the dream is about self-censorship and avoidance. This would relate to yesterday evening spent in the pub with a colleague from work whom I’ve known a very long time. The evening went well except for one or two wobbly moments when the topic of conversation became too personal (our respective relationships). In my dream I saw — twice — somebody walking along the underground railtrack and accidentally stepping on the live rail without anything more than a slight electric shock.

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Vivien’s courage

the sky shits blood — bomb
after nuclear bomb, they
drop like rain — somehow
I dodge them all, dancing my
absurd dance of denial

If trying to dodge nuclear bombs suggests denial, what kind of alternative response would indicate acceptance? Standing, arms stretched wide in welcome? Maybe yes in fact. I also dreamed my father was affirming and encouraging my interest in learning New Testament Greek. He says (in the dream) he knew someone who ditched theological studies and was left the poorer ‘with nothing to be afraid of’. Yesterday I was thinking of my copy of the Greek New Testament which I had in the eighties. In the introduction it explained that normal practice among the Romans was to crucify people on a singe upright stake. Chances are about 90% in favour of believing that Jesus was crucified on a single upright stake with no crossbar. The central symbol of Christianity — Christ on the cross — is well worth examining critically. I am still reading Painted Shadow by Carole Seymour-Jones, about Vivien, first wife of T.S. Eliot. And still finding it disturbing and distressing in the extreme. Maybe both dream and poem reflect this. She was an excellent dancer apparently. Thinking of the nightmare which was her life, the image came to mind yesterday of a woman crucified on the cross: the only image to sum up what they did to Vivien. In terms of theology, what if God had crucified his own daughter, rather than his own son? What if we were required by Christianity to pray to a woman on the cross? How absurd would that be?