Posts Tagged ‘age’

opposites

am I arrogant?
yes — it’s logical — how else
does a man hold such
a passionate belief in
his own utter foolishness?

Very pleased with this (more proof of arrogance!). It doesn’t have a very intimate connection at all, with last night’s dreams, which seem to have continued the theme of wisdom from yesterday’s poem — or at least wisdom as found (or not found) in the older generation. I dreamed of my very old nextdoor neighbour, and also of the Queen Mother, who was expected to be available for the job of comforting Princess Diana. Somehow that wasn’t happening. From wisdom, I progressed to thinking about foolishness, and the poem was born.

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mood

#1
the only word for
how I feel about being
sixty is defeat

#2
defeat — the only
term strong enough to express
how I feel — defeat
now, in my sixtieth year
— permeates the universe

home

the world was never
going to be a place where
I felt I belonged

This self-pitying item is also possibly, I’m afraid, rather trite. I have a bit of a problem in my life, with trying to understand in retrospect how and why I made the choices in my teens which then shaped my life as a whole. Perhaps one reason this is so difficult is because I have simply lost all contact with, and empathy for, the person I was then. Broadly, last night’s dream highlighted the issue of livelihood. I felt convinced briefly, in the dream, that I could make it as a professional musician if only I dedicated enough hours to daily French horn practice. Then suddenly my true age in waking life dawned on me (59), and I realised it was quite hopeless. So I guess the element of self-pity was there in the dream.