trick

ego — brief bubble,
infinitely fragile gift — 
I grasp — and it bursts

This poem arises from the feeling of disorientation caused when I found myself waking up from a dream in which I had experienced a strong deliberate intention to view online pornography. There was total confusion between whether I was awake or asleep and whether the intention was limited to the dream or whether it extended into waking consciousness. I woke in a state of simply not wanting to resist the temptation, but gradually as I regained the waking state, my conscious resolve reasserted itself. This experience worries me greatly. I don’t like the idea of being so split between conscious and unconscious, between an evil temptation and a good ego who resists it. In my world view, the ego is always going to lose, and needs a deeper understanding of itself in order not to be threatened in this way. There seems to be a continuity between yesterday’s poem title and today’s. I was aware, in calling yesterday’s poem joker, that it was simply an alternative I preferred to the more usual Jungian term trickster. The term trickster has always eluded me rather, as to its meaning. The Wikipedia page on this, is helpful. Particularly, for me, in mentioning Hermes — a mythological figure I’m very familiar with, unlike the vast mass of obscure ethnic legends listed in the article. I was also very taken with the definition of trickster as “boundary-crosser”.

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